Hi, friends. It’s been a while. Sorry for the absence. I had a pretty bad depressive/grief episode two weeks ago, which is now starting to go away. What triggered it? It was playing baseball. It was a team that Dad and I used to play on together. I was fine playing, but the next day, grief and depression hit me like an effing Mac truck. I also had an AWFUL cough which made life overall shitty. Now, I am back to feeling somewhat normal and no more cough! So, that’s my long winded answer for our absence.
For my second month into my 12 months of grieving journey, May’s focus was travel. I was extremely fortunate to travel to Montreal, a milestone birthday gift to my Mom, from my sister and I. 48 hours later, I was on a flight to Los Angeles to spend an incredible week with three amazing girlfriends. These trips took an incredible amount of planning and organizing. We could have easily said, ‘this is too hard/much work/impossible to do/too expensive, so let’s not do it.’ We all have day-to-day obligations, responsibilities and people relying on us that it sometimes feels impossible to take a hard pause on life. However, if you’re able to do it and have a good support system, I’m here to tell you; take the trip.
As most of you know, the past few months have not been awesome.. When I stepped onto the plane for Montreal, I was in a pretty low place. I was tired, sick and feeling just really shitty. Spending a weekend with my mom and sister was amazing. Besides the obvious, like when mom met Chuck Hughes and she fangirled him SO hard that it was probably the most adorable thing I’ve ever seen, the trip allowed us to remember that we are still individuals and not just moms/wives/employees/etc. It allowed us to have open and honest conversations about what’s going on in our lives. We ate amazing food, drank great wine and spent time exploring Montreal. My takeaway from this trip was the importance of surrounding yourself with strong and supportive people, who encourage and provide useful words of advice. Since losing dad, I have realized how important it is to stay connected to my immediate family. They need to come first and know I’ll always be there. These types of trips help solidify that.
LA was effing amazing. Oh God. The food, ocean, beach, shopping…..shit, I indulged! What made it even better was spending the week with three incredible girlfriends. Two came from Vancouver, one from New York and then me from Toronto. Holy shit, did this trip take planning! I think we started planning back in the fall. Similar to Montreal, this trip did incredible healing for my mental health. Having amazing chats with these incredibly strong, smart and successful women left me feeling in awe that I got to be included in this group.
Yes, I probably spent more than I should have. Sometimes though, when you’re in a dark place, you need to throw money at the problem. I know this goes against all the things we write about on the blog, but sometimes you need to say, “eff the rules.” I have been throwing money at my grief journey, whether it’s through shopping, food or traveling. For the last three years, whether it was dad’s poor health, getting pregnant, having Emily and her health issues, then dad passing, it hasn’t left a lot of room for travel. With this new chapter, Tolga and I have made it a family goal that; once a year, he and I go away together, we do a family trip and he and I have a trips with our friends. This will take some serious budgeting and some sacrifice to make happen. But he and I want to make up for some loss time. At the end of the day, we need to remember to just take the trip.
Photo Credit: unsplash.com/Annie Spratt